Some moments in life.. no matter how embarrassing, are meant to be shared. This story is just one of them.
Black Friday. A magical day for the women in my family. The yearly tradition involves planning our route over Thanksgiving dinner and pouring over the newspaper ads while the rest of the world sits around feeling thankful, psst … losers. Operation “save a crap ton’ would begin at 0600 sharp. We had our plan and was ready to excute it. The three of us started our spree with the speed of lightening. We saved a small fortune on clothing at JcPenny’s, atleast fifty dollars on shoes at Finish Line and a whopping four bucks at Ulta, It was incredible! Lunch time was approaching and we all opted to hit the food court. None of us seemed willing to abandon the mission at hand. Nor, did anyone want to eat turkey again. So, the food court was the obvious solution. The food court can be overwhelming on a average day. But, on Black Friday … one may need some sort of prescription sedative to navigate their way to a quick meal. After a skillful scan of the line lengths, I opted for sushi. In retrospect the short line should have served as a warning. The more patient members of my crew opted for a less risque food court fair. But, I didn’t have time for that. Our next step was Toys R’ Us and I needed a basket full of toys from there with no time to waste. I also find that I get hangry faster than I used too, so food was a urgent matter at this point.
We Sat. We Ate. We left.
As we made the sharp right hand turn into Toys R’ Us, I found myself filled with excitement.. Or so I thought. We made… what seemed like, an eight mile track across the parking lot. As we entered the automatic doors of the toy store I realized it most certainly was not my excitement bubbling in my belly but, the perfectly good, kind of funny tasting sushi. Seconds were starting to feel like hours as I scanned the lines of people to find the bathroom sign overhead. Have you ever tried to hold your own sweat in? As I quickly and “carefully” made my way through the crowd of shoppers… It was becoming more evident that the food court sushi wasn’t willing to wait any longer.
Thankfully, the bathroom was empty and I was able to pick the stall furtherest from the door, leaving the only other stall open. Suddenly, it was like hell hounds soaked in acid were racing from my bowels, accompanied by hot flashes and cold sweats. This is the moment where you know karmic scales are settling its debt for every tummy ache you ever faked as a child and each vomit falsely mimicked to get out of work as a adult. I ripped off my shirt and threw it across the stall as through the sound of my own tears and groans I hear the bathroom door open. At this point, any other time I would have tried to keep calm.. to not draw attention. But, I was way past that. I was fairly certain I would die right there on that cold toilet, half naked soaked in sweat and tears. All bets were OFF! I was in survival mode. As I prayed out loud and cried, the calmest voice sounded from the other stall. “Baby, if you just push through it, you will feel better. Get it all out, you’re doing great”. It was the voice of an angel an I clung to that voice as hell was ripping me apart, from the inside. We had somehow became a team and it was working. The sweat subsided with the cramps and fiery explosions. I put my shirt on, after searching the stall to find my dignity, I exited. I’m face to face in this bathroom with my loving daughter who was quiet yet hysterically laughing in the corner. With all the poise I could muster, I wash my hands, grab my discounted goodies and walk out of that bathroom with the full support and wisdom of a complete stranger who shared one of my most grotesque moments. I now had all the patience ( and cleared out bowels ) to wait patiently in the long lines
To my bathroom angel, whoever you are.. You are a true hometown hero.
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Tags: shopping, sushi, toys, support, Toys R’ Us, Black Friday, funny